A sour start

Today is day one of the new little life I am bringing into the world...sour dough starter. I have read articles and books on starter, have read blogs, the back of flour packets, and heard stories of starter that has been passed down for generations. So, sitting on my counters, in a Bonne Maman jam jar is my little experiment in growing live cultures. I, being the good mama, will feed my little starter each day for five days. Then, when it has bubbled and fermented, I will mix it with other ingredients and make bread.
It is fitting that I am beginning my new, unemployed adventure with sour dough starter, because it is a bit like "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Things went sour in the last six months. Nothing was produced out of it, nothing was accomplished or created. But, now, I will take the sour and make something delightful. It is the first step to finding that niche, that reason d'être that has haunted me for sometime now. Oh how I envied people (yes...envied) who did not have this over arching dread that they were always in the wrong place at the wrong time, or the right place at the wrong time. Whatever time it was, it seemed that the timing was off. As I am always saying, maybe too often, that in life, you either have too much time and no money, or money and no time. I fall into the former now, and was for a bit in the later. Too much time, an eternity of it reaching before me.
The key to all of this, of course is to be wise with your time, to utilize it in a profitable manner, and never to waste or squander it. But this goes back to my perplexing dilemma of that over arching dread that I am not doing the right thing. How does one justify one's existence, or know what that even means?  Do I dare,  and do I dare...as Eliot said.
Yes, yes...there are endeavors out there that are good and true and at least give the impression of using your time wisely. There are those who work to feed the poor, to help those who are helpless and practice altruism. That is good, and praiseworthy. But is it the whole picture, the answer to my overwhelming question? Is taking the time to ponder the Big Picture, worth the time it takes to do it?
Well, I think so. I think that if we are to find that balance in life, we need to find both the creative soul inside of us, and the working body that moves us along.
This is bringing me back around to my little jar of starter. In producing a live culture from something as simple as flour and water, I feel I am tapping into knowledge that has existed for thousands of years. I am taking part in something very simple, making bread. But in doing this, I am creating a product that will satisfy those who eat it, and satisfy my endeavor to make it. I am using my mind and my body to create food.  Simple, but so complex at the same time. Bread, as my french friend pointed out to me, is the cornerstone of most cultures cuisine. It holds a great place for the French, as I found when I made a joke to my friend about how hard the knob of bread had gotten that we could use it as a door stop. I was then informed that for a french person, bread was to be greatly respected and honored, never wasted(even though later that evening, she tossed it in the kitchen trash. No matter how esoteric you make the bread, there is no point in holding onto a chunk you can break your teeth on).
Day one of my little starter in my jam jar is a great step on a new adventure, which is to find that creative purpose in even the most simple of things.